Trust in the presence of HOPE. Scan the horizon and sleep safely. Job 11:19 Voice
I slept fitfully that night lulled eventually to sleep by the rhythmic sound of the ventilator. I kept waking up every hour on the hour. It seemed like just as soon as I fell asleep the nurse would come in to check my husband’s vital signs. Then I would fall asleep again only to have the breathing specialist come in to check his oxygen level. A hospital room is a terrible place to rest and an even harder place to show hope. The knot in my stomach would not go away as I thought about his scheduled surgery to get a tracheotomy the next day.
The next day came and we waited and we waited and we waited. No one ever came to take Bill to surgery. No one seemed to know what was going on. I remember the nurse that took care of Bill during that day. As I expressed my displeasure with the uncertainties of when they were going to do the surgery she remained calm and positive.
“In this business I’ve discovered that everything happens for a reason,” she said as she looked toward the ceiling.
ICU was a foreign land to me. It did indeed seem like a parallel universe where you gave up all hope when you walked in the door. It was unusual that they let me stay with my husband.
As I left from time to time to go get a bite to eat, I would walk past family groups standing around the bed of their loved one as they took their last breath. Sobering – terrifying – unprotected! These are all words that described my feelings at the moment. I could only imagine what my husband was feeling. He couldn’t talk because of the mask.
I squeezed Bill’s hand and he squeezed back. There was strength in the touch. There was also courage.
He asked for something to write his thoughts and I handed him a paper and pen.
“I am believing God to heal me,” he wrote. “I am going to be okay and I want you to go home and get some rest.”
I looked into his expressive eyes. He had that “I really mean it” look. I “listened” and agreed.
On the way home I had a good cry. I released control of the situation and put my hope and trust in God. Hope encourages and uplifts. Hope protects our hearts. Hope lets us rest. Hope leaves the final results to God with the expectation that it will be a good result. With peace in my heart I slept well.
Hope Tools
Stick ’em up
In the old westerns the bad guys would point a gun at someone and say, “Stick ’em up!” Arms would go up immediately in a sign of surrender. Hope comes when you raise your hands to Heaven and say, “I give up, Lord.” This familiar posture is one that I began to adopt a position of surrender in the days and months ahead. As I would feel anxiety grip my heart I would reach my hands up in the air and stretch. It looked like I was just stretching but it was actually a physical expression for the inner surrender. It always brought me peace and hope.
Scan the horizon
These days were so intense that I barely made it through one day at a time. I wish I could go back and relax a little more. It seemed each time that we got bad news that it couldn’t get any worse but it did. Hope allows you to scan the horizon and look at the difficult days ahead with the sense that God will give you what you need when you need it. I never seemed to have it ahead of time yet when I looked back on what I had accomplished as I lovingly cared for my husband it went far beyond what I thought I could have ever done. That’s the power of hope and love. If you are just starting on your caregiving journey enjoy every day and know that you will have what you need when you need it.
Prayer
Lord, thank You for giving me courage as I face uncertainties in the medical procedures and the messages about how to care for _______________ (name of the person you’re caring for). I receive Your encouragement today and thank You that I will have everything that I need just when I need it. Thank You for protecting me and allowing me to rest in a safe place. I surrender our future completely to You and thank You that we will continue to see Your strength. Through having hope in You we will find courage because we know we are protected and can rest in safety. I will trust completely in You and Your presence in the midst of it all. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Author, speaker, corporate trainer, ordained minister and Hope Catalyst, Karen Sebastian enjoys sharing her rich life experiences with others – engaging them in adventurous discoveries of the beauty of hope in a dark, cloudy world.
You may order Karen’s latest book, The Power of Hope in Mourning here.
