D-Dance with Abandon

My son, Sean, had promised to teach me how to dance but had been so busy with the wedding preparations that I was left alone with my anxiety of how the Mother/Son dance would go at his wedding. I was feeling anxious. You see, I never learned how to dance. Being raised in a strict church where dancing was not allowed, it had never been encouraged. As an adult, I spoke often of getting lessons but never got around to it. So here I was feeling uncovered as I thought of how I would make a fool of myself in front of all these people.

It had been an eventful few months. My caregiving assignment for my first husband, Bill, had ended abruptly two months before. He died during the night from breathing complications. At that point a ventilator did the breathing for him because his diaphragm was paralyzed from Muscular Dystrophy. After the dust settled with his life celebration and burial our son and future wife had a serious conversation with me.

“Mom, I think we can get a refund for the venue for the wedding if you feel like we need to postpone it,” Sean said choking back the tears.

“Son, your Dad would want you to keep living,” I said through my own tears.

So here we were at the wedding reception and I was alone. I never could have imagined that this day would have come without my husband with me to celebrate it.

I was lost in my thoughts and memories when my sister leaned over and said, “They are calling for you.”

I was startled and felt like my heart was in my throat as I got up to dance with Sean. He must have been able to tell that I was nervous because he kindly said, “You can do this, Mom!”

I danced with abandon. In the photos, it looks like Sean and I were having a heart-to-heart conversation. Instead, he was saying, Left-two-three and Right-two-three. I certainly would not have won a dance contest but I finished strong. I so wanted to turn to Bill and say, “I did it.”

It’s critical that you make time for yourself and spend that time doing creative activities that you enjoy. No, going to to the grocery store by yourself is not on this list. I started blogging during the caregiving time for my husband. He did not want me to let people know how sick he was so many of them remained unpublished until I started working on the book: The Power of Hope for Caregivers: Honor the Ride (Which will be released November, 2017).

Hope Tip: Make a list of all the things you would like to do someday or have always wanted to do.

Our use of the word abandon is in the sense of freedom, spontaneity and excitement. Stop being so concerned about what others think when you start to get out of our comfort zone. You may be worried about what others might think but in reality they are probably not even thinking about you. Stop looking around for approval or asking for permission. Take a chance by trying something new. You can do this.

Hope Tip: Look at the list created above and take a step in the direction of making it happen.

 Thank You, Lord, that You care about everything that I am going through right now. You also know the fear and anxiety that I am feeling as I face the unknown future with the current situation. Most of all, I am thankful that You have promised to flip the current sorrow into joyful dancing. I am not a very good dancer so I don’t know how You are going to manage to do that, yet I trust You. I will take steps in the right direction knowing that You are working on my behalf through it all.

In Jesus’ name. Amen

For the rest of the alphabet in the ABCs of Self Nurture for Caregivers please click here.