Courageous Hope – Hope Wins – Day 24

Early in our marriage my husband, Bill, and I had a disturbing conversation.

“I think I will probably be the first to go,” he said nonchalantly.

“To go where?” I replied.

“I mean to die,” was his calm answer.

I felt fear grip my heart and quickly said, “Don’t talk like that! The very thought of that scares me. I can’t imagine life without you.”

We had other brief conversations around the topic. Every single time, however, I would cut them short because of the terror that gripped my heart.

Four years ago I received ‘the call’ that changed my life forever. I was in another state speaking at a conference when I got an early morning call from my daughter telling me that my husband died sometime during the night.

There is controversy over whether or not Jeremiah wrote Lamentations because of the poetic nature of the writing. The message is very similar, however, to the book that bears his name. This book was written during the time that Jerusalem was conquered and the people of Israel became slaves in Babylon. No wonder the first word is ‘ekah’ which is comparable to ‘alas!’ The writer laments for the people who had not repented of their sins and, as a result, had now lost their place of worship, their city, and their freedom. (You can read more about this story in 2 Kings 25). Zedekiah rebelled against Babylon and Nebuchadnezzar attacked the city of Jerusalem. They were under siege to the point that they almost starved to death. The king and some of his men escaped over the wall, only to be captured soon after. Most of the city was destroyed, the temple was burned down and most of the people were taken captives to Babylon. They had lost everything and were in a very hopeless position. The book of Jeremiah is filled with warnings of what would happen to them if they did not repent. Despite the dire warnings, they kept right on worshipping false idols. The chosen people of God were in this dire position by their own choices.

When you are grieving the death of someone you love, it can be hard to remember the good times. It is the peak of grief where you try to grasp the finality of the separation death brings. In verse 17 it says, “I cannot even remember what it’s like to be happy. My hope fails in the face of what the Eternal One has done.” I had faced the fear of death most mornings when I went in to help my husband get up. He suffered from Muscular Dystrophy and was dependent on a ventilator for his breathing. Still, it felt like this could not be happening. Grief can cripple and cause us to question God’s goodness. As I drove the three hours to the airport to catch the flight home I felt bitter sorrow. It was surreal – more like a nightmare that I hoped to shake. I did make it to the airport and allowed the reality to sink in as I sat in the back of the small jet. Fortunately, it was a single seat where I could lean my head against the window, put on my sunglasses and quietly weep.

Verse 21 states, “Gaining hope, I remember and wait for this thought: How enduring is God’s loyal love; the Eternal has inexhaustible compassion. Here they are, every morning, new! Your faithfulness, God, is as broad as the day.” How many times had I quoted that very verse without thinking of what the one who wrote it had just gone through. Hope is gained in the midst of tragedy and death. If you are feeling like you can’t make it through another day focus in on  God’s steadfast love and His immense compassion. The sky was overcast that day as the plane took off. Even through the tears, I felt the grace and mercy of the Lord.

“Have courage, for the Eternal is all that I will need. My soul boasts, “Hope in God; just wait.” It is good. The Eternal One is good to those who expect Him, to those who seek Him wholeheartedly. It is good to wait quietly for the Eternal to make things right again.” Lamentations 3:24-26

Courage does not come in a vacuum. Instead, it is galvanized in the midst of challenges and periods of waiting. It felt like an eternity before I was able to get home to hug each of my kids. Right now it was hard to process all of this and see the goodness of the Lord in it all. I could choose, however, to wait quietly. Hope brings courage as we face what we thought we could not face. Decisions were made. We have laughed again. We honored a great man. A few months later our youngest son married the love of his life. We celebrated just as had planned. I guess that’s true courage. And it was all enabled by HOPE!

 

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