Finding My Voice

I’m not there yet, nor have I become perfect; but I am charging on to gain anything and everything the Anointed One, Jesus, has in store for me—and nothing will stand in my way because He has grabbed me and won’t let me go. Philippians 3:12 Voice

One of my husband’s most endearing qualities was that he never complained. He was selfless and giving to others to his own neglect. When he started having trouble swallowing we went to quite a few different doctors. He started speech therapy. He diligently did his exercises yet was not improving. He basically stopped eating and became so dehydrated I took him to the Emergency Room. We know that the ER wait depends on TRIAGE principles. Those who are critical get help first.

I had to learn to speak up for the one who was too sick to speak for himself. This is something that I had learned years ago as I cared for my mother-in-law. 

My husband was severely dehydrated. Once they put him on IV’s he felt a lot better. Of course, it was on the weekend so they wanted to send him home. That’s when I found my voice. When the doctor came in with his release papers I relayed his history and how long it had been since he could eat and that he barely could swallow water. I knew that if we went home we would be back in the long wait in the ER before the weekend was over. I spoke firmly and assertively. The doctor looked surprised because up to this time I had been very soft spoken and we had laughed a lot. He changed his decision and they admitted my husband to the hospital. 

One of the important roles you play as a caregiver is to be an advocate for your loved one. The medical system is complicated and has many twists and turns. You will have many opportunities to become impatient, angry and rude. Overburdened medical caregivers may even start the fight. If you choose to win it, you may lose in the end.

Hope Tools

Remain calm

It is tempting to get angry when we feel that our loved ones are not getting the attention and treatment we think they need to receive. Usually this anger is masking fear. The problem with anger is that it clouds our judgment and may produce the opposite effect from what we were seeking. What can calm you is to switch to the left brain mode. An excellent way to do this is to take a deep breath; get out a piece of paper; summarize the desired results.

Remember your manners

You truly do not know the rules of the establishment. Usually the gate keepers are the ones enforcing these rules down to the detail level that it can make you crazy. ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’ go a long way in greasing the system especially if you want to break the written and unwritten rules in some way or another

Ask for clarity

A good script is, “May I respectfully ask for more information on why it would not be possible to _________________________.” I learned that the patient has many more rights than they realize. Get on their side and do your best to see things from their perspective. The goal is to move in the direction that is best for the patient. Acknowledge that you could be wrong and simply want more information. Become an avid reader of the fine print. Learn the vocabulary.

Prayer

Dear Lord thank You that in the roller coaster of caregiving that You give us everything that we need to move forward with Your plans for _______________. None of this takes you by surprise so I thank You for sending me allies who will work toward the best outcome possible. I thank You that You have called many to serve in this capacity. Allow us to be a blessing to them as well. I am grateful that I can remain at peace no matter what chaos is circling all around me and when I don’t know what is going to happen next I can trust You – because You do. As I find my voice, may it reflect your grace and mercy toward all those who work so hard to care my loved one. In Jesus’ name. Amen.