Remember this, and do not abandon your confidence which will lead to rich rewards. Hebrews 10:35 (Voice)
Caregiving is a marathon. Most of us started out thinking it was a sprint. “Surely things will improve quickly and we will all get back to our ‘normal’ lives.”
Find confidence in your decisions
Why are YOU caring for your loved one? Are you complaining about all you have to do? Are you feeling overwhelmed and telling everyone about it?
Don’t give the acceptable answers here. Instead, dig deep and search for your motivation. If you are a martyr who is ‘stuck’ with this responsibility you will be in for a hard journey. I know because that was what I complained about for a long time. I became the default caregiver for more reasons than I have time and space to elaborate. Oh yes, I got a lot of others who would join me as they complained about their work load but little actual help. I thought that if I complained enough others would rise to the occasion to help me. It didn’t work.
As I read the statistics about caregivers put out by the CDC, there are clear warnings about neglecting what matters most – YOU! In taking care of others, you can continually give up what’s most important. It starts with one decision to stay home when others go out because it’s easier than finding someone to care for your loved one. Taking the path of least resistance can then become a pattern that compounds into an unhealthy state of mind. Here are some Hope Tools that will help break that pattern and put you back on a path of health and balance:
Hope Tools:
Eliminate negative absolutes
Take control of your choice to choose HOPE in every situation. This can be hard to do when you have established a thought pattern of negativity. Negative comments usually have words like never and always. Replace these absolutes with phrases such as: “I choose to do ___________ joyfully so that I can establish the standard of care that ____________ (loved one) needs.”
- Make a list of the quality of care you want your loved one to have
- Describe specifically what you expect from others.
Make a wish list
What are some things that you want to do (or used to do and feel like you have given up)? This should be an ongoing list. Make at least one of these happen each week. Ask for help. Enjoy yourself when you do it. Stop apologizing. What’s at the top of your wish list? Please put in the comments below.
Make a list of rewards
You may not feel this right now but one day you will look back on this time of caregiving with a smile and a sense that it was very rewarding. Make a list of all the rewards you and your family received during this time. Please share the greatest reward in the comments.
Prayer
Thank You, Lord, that as I have compassion on those who are in the prison of dementia and poor health you will provide greater blessings on my life and the lives of my loved ones. With your help I will not abandon my confidence in You to bring good from this waiting room. I know that as I continue running this marathon that You will give the strength that I need. I want to do all that I have signed up for with the right motivation and heart. Restore my hope and all that it seems I have lost in this intense time. I know that my faith if growing and I will experience greater freedom and joy than I ever thought possible. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Author, speaker, corporate trainer, ordained minister and Hope Catalyst, Karen Sebastian enjoys sharing her rich life experiences with others – engaging them in adventurous discoveries of the beauty of hope in a dark, cloudy world.
You may order Karen’s latest book, The Power of Hope in Mourning here.
