We were filled with laughter, and we sang for joy. And the other nations said, “What amazing things the Lord has done for them.” Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy! Psalm 126:2
Some of the hardest calls to make are the ones after a loved one has moved to Heaven. One such call was to my first husband’s primary care physician. He needed to be informed of Bill’s death and would probably be the one to sign the death certificate as he died at home. In the end, that’s what happened. As I listened to the elevator music on the other end of the phone, I tightened my throat to try to hold back the wave of tears that I knew would be coming as I spoke to the doctor’s nurse who had always been so gracious.
“Mrs. Sebastian, how can I help you,” I heard the kind voice on the other end of the phone.
“I needed to let you know that Bill moved to Heaven last night,” I said sadly.
“I want to make sure that I understand you,” she continued. “You mean to say that Mr. Sebastian died last night?”
“Yes, he did,” I replied.
“I am so sad to hear that,” she said kindly.
We continued talking about what we thought had happened the night before. We will never know for sure. As we were preparing to hang up she told me she wanted to share something she had not been able to share before.
“Mrs. Sebastian, I want you to know that everyone here at our office looked forward to your husband’s doctor’s visit.”
“Well, we certainly enjoyed coming to see you and doctor as well.”
“You too were so obviously in love and seemed to enjoy laughing despite the inconveniences and problems with his health,” she acknowledged.
This one statement brought a flood of memories of those visits that became so difficult in the end as I attempted to maneuver the wheel chair provided by the clinic through the double doors. Bill’s statement that “I beat him up every morning,” when the nurse asked if he was being abused. (After all, I am the lark of the family and always got up very early.) The way he would put on special music when the home health nurse came so they could ‘dance’. The laughter that we shared as a family when we got together.
It wasn’t always this way during my caregiving days. My first experience with my mother-in-love was not filled with laughter because I was angry most of the time. What a difference a change in perspective can make! I encourage you to laugh more.
Learn to laugh at yourself and you will always find joy.
What can you do differently?
Choose to laugh
This is a decision to find humor where you can find it rather than a cynical sarcastic outlook. As a result of this decision, I found myself looking for stories to tell others. As I practiced them and I discovered that others could relate to them and then they laughed. For example…
One day our oldest daughter came over to spend some time with her Dad. Unfortunately, she forgot her keys to the house and her Dad could not get up to let her in. She sat on the front porch and yelled to her Dad while he texted her back. I chuckle every time I picture the two of them having a conversation in such an unconventional way. We have laughed through our tears sometimes at this scenario.
Assignment: Start making a list or mindmap of the following – What is the funniest thing that happened this week? Have you missed opportunities to laugh? What brings joy to others?
Change your perspective
Looking back on the beginning of a dark caregiving season of my life with my mother-in-love , I would tell my younger self to keep laughing. I was angry and my heavy heart and the scowl on my face reflected this fact. As time went on I did learn to discover that I could change my perspective and look for what could bring me joy. It becomes a very personal decision to create an atmosphere where it is okay to have fun even in the midst of the mess.
In conclusion, I encourage you to learn from my experience the importance of laughter. Laughter is the gift you give yourself and everyone around you. It comes as a result of a changed perspective and a strong decision to see the humor in every situation. It’s not easy to do and yet, you can improve your odds of coming through the caregiving journey with greater strength and a sharpened wit.
Assignment: Make a commitment to seek the humor in everything you do. Learn to laugh at yourself, especially if you land in the water. I know it’s hard sometimes, but a good laugh benefits you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Prayer
Thank You, Lord, for giving us the gift of laughter. I thank You for allowing me to see the glimpses of humor in the mundane and everyday challenges that I face as I care for ______________. I lift my eyes from the problems and allow you to fill me with laughter. I choose to sing for joy as I look at all the blessings You have given us. I honor these difficult days as times to grow and will smile in the face of it all as I look to You – author and finisher of my faith Hebrews 12:2).
In Jesus’ name. Amen
In the comments below, share something funny that has happened in your journey as a caregiver. We can learn from each other.
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Over the years, Karen Sebastian-Wirth has lovingly cared for her mother-in-love, mother, father and husband. She certainly has learned the lessons of hope in what can become a treacherous ride over some rough waters. You will enjoy her candid approach to self nurture and the practical ways to take care of yourself. Her new book
The Power of Hope for Caregivers: Honor the Ride is now available on Amazon.
Author, speaker, corporate trainer, ordained minister and Hope Catalyst, Karen Sebastian enjoys sharing her rich life experiences with others – engaging them in adventurous discoveries of the beauty of hope in a dark, cloudy world. Her books will inspire you to embrace hope no matter what you are going through. As a caregiver and widow she took brave steps forward to fulfill God’s calling on her life. She has now remarried and enjoys her new hubby and spending time with their children and grandchildren. To increase hope and improve relationships with yourself and those that you love, check out her Facebook page –
The Power of Hope.
What a wonderful reminder, Karen! I tend to get caught up in taking myself a bit too seriously far too often. May we be women who aren’t afraid to laugh at ourselves!
Stacey,
Amen to that! Thanks so much. I will certainly return the favor.
May laughter fill your mouth today!
Karen
Love!!
XO
Thank you, my wonderful friend for stopping by.
Love you!
Karen
I can be too serious, so choosing to laugh is a reminder I need! May I laugh more today. Thanks, Karen.
Lisa,
I sometimes need the reminder as well. Thanks for stopping by. I am loving your new #write28days.
Of course, I do call myself “The Hope Lady.” We can never have too much hope out there….
Karen