The Eternal was the support of my life. He set me down in a safe place; He saved me to His delight; He took joy in me. Psalm 18:19 Voice
My husband had gone into the hospital to have a feeding tube put in because he was having trouble swallowing as a result of Muscular Dystrophy. They had said is was a simple procedure. NOT! Here it was eight days later and I had just received the call that he had been transferred to ICU.
“How had this happened? I leave him for the first time to get a bite to eat and this happens,” I chided myself. Looking back on it I wondered how I thought that being there could have made it any different. At that time, however, I still wore the Super Duper Caregiver cape.
Panic filled my heart as I envisioned the worst possible scenario.
When I got to the hospital, I asked for directions to the ICU wing at the huge hospital. As I rode the elevator I was enveloped with sadness and concern. I felt so helpless and lost. After signing in to ICU and getting a special badge I was the only one who was able to come in to see Bill. He was hooked up to a ventilator that was pumping air into his body. They had it turned all the way up to the maximum and it shook the bed as it did the breathing for him. The good news was that at last all the doctors were actually talking to each other about his case rather than entering information into a computer. The bad news was that he was unable to breathe on his own. He had to have support to take his next breath.
We signed papers so they could do surgery the next day for a tracheostomy. The surgeon came in to talk to us and explain the procedure. The pulmonologist came in to explain that what was happening is that Bill’s diaphragm had stopped working. Time stood still as we entered a place that never sleeps as they watched over my precious husband. We were in a safe place. Now I needed to begin to experience My Father’s delight and joy. More on that later.
Hope Tools
Release control
You can feel so helpless when you’re facing life-threatening conditions like the ones I am describing. There are more questions than answers and you can feel lost. This is the time to realize how little control you actually have. It comes down to trust. The Heavenly Father is there to support you right where you are. He knows the beginning from the end. This is a level of commitment that realizes that the only safe place is putting your hope in God. Surrender is easier when you know that you are in a safe place. You can live in a place of peace even in the midst of the uncertainty.
Re-release control
It may seem like I’m stuttering here but I am not. This is journey of trust that requires a process of releasing and affirming our trust in the loving care of our Heavenly Father. Navigating the medical processes and intricacies of medical interactions challenges that trust. The medical professionals seem duty-bound to tell you the worst possible scenario. In that setting, hope dims only to be regained by another prayer of surrender. Rogue thoughts have to be captured and exposed to the light of truth, faith and hope.
Prayer
Lord, I release all control over my current situation and I trust that You give us life and support that life down to our very breath. I am so grateful to remember these difficult times and how you kept our hearts safe as we trusted in Your goodness even in the midst of a great trial. Sometimes it feels like You have a strange way of showing Your delight in us yet what You shaped in us during these trying times was stamina, strength and confidence in Your goodness. You did take joy in us – not in our performance but in who we were and who we were becoming (Psalm 18:19 Voice). Continue to give me joy in You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Author, speaker, corporate trainer, ordained minister and Hope Catalyst, Karen Sebastian enjoys sharing her rich life experiences with others – engaging them in adventurous discoveries of the beauty of hope in a dark, cloudy world.
You may order Karen’s latest book, The Power of Hope in Mourning here.
