Here is a summary of research on caregivers conducted by the CDC:
Caregivers are mostly unpaid
In the US there are more than 34 million UNPAID caregivers caring for someone 18 or older. This number is staggering and is probably higher. Most are family members who, like me, never filled out an application for this job. They just added taking care of their elderly parents (or whomever they are caring for) to their already busy schedules. In fact, many caregivers also pay out of their pocket for the times when they are not available to do their regular caregiving duties. What needs to change is your mindset. You are providing a service that deserves to be honored and praised. I honor you for the sacrifices you are making to improve the last days and years of your loved ones’ lives.
Caregiving responsibilities often evolve after a crisis. Initially, most family members are very present when a parent is in the hospital. Once they go back home, however, he role of the caregiver starts with the thought that now that the crisis is over things will go ‘back to normal.’ With elderly parents or a critically ill loved one, this does not always take place.
Hope Tools
Ask all the family to have a family meeting and talk candidly about the situation. If you are the primary caregiver this candid conversation needs to happen very quickly so everyone know what is going on. Do NOT become a martyr or expect them to know all that you are doing for your parent(s). Everyone has something to bring to the table and will feel so much better if they can take part. Those who live far away can contribute financially. Let them come and care for your parent(s) whlle you take a vacation.
Personal time suffers
With all the myriad of responsibilities on their plates, caregivers neglect the most important one in the equation = themselves. The familiar analogy of the service message on the airlines comes to mind here: “If there is a drop in cabin pressure a mask will drop down. If you are traveling with a child, be sure to put on your oxygen mask first and then put it on your child.” Even when we know this truth in our heads, when pressures mount and something has to give, caregivers put the oxygen mask on others first. After a while, they find themselves too exhausted to do what they need to do for themselves.
Make time for yourself
Make time for yourself by asking for help. This is not selfish on your part. Make a list of things that you used to do and no longer have the time to do. Hire someone to sit with your loved one. What’s on your list?
Emotional and physical stress increase
What we find here is a downward spiral that begins to accelerate as the caregiving needs increase. Many times the caregiver becomes ill and can no longer take care of their loved one. Don’t let that happen to you.
Make a list and stick to it
Make a list of what you can do to take care of yourself. Here’s a start:
- Take the time to go see the doctor
- Eat healthy foods
- Get exercise even if it’s just walking
- Take time to rest
- Enjoy your children and grandchildren
- Have fun
This list needs to grow and grow. Find ways to vent your emotional stress. Focus on staying healthy and sane.
Life balance is difficult
Some of you reading this are rolling your eyes as you think that I am giving you one more thing to add to your to-do list. This is not given to you with any sense of obligation but as a call to help you. I’ve been where you are and know how difficult and unfair this situation can become – especially if you allow yourself to feel stuck. You are not a victim here. You get to choose.
Let’s circle back to the oxygen mask analogy where you need to put on the mask first. Make the decision right now to make some healthy changes in your own life. Ask for help and find a balance with all the overwhelming responsibilities that you face. In our next blog we will talk more about the spiritual exercises that can help you find balance.
Write an action statement
Write an action statement that will engage your mind in making positive changes. Here’s an example:
“I take care of my needs first so that I have the energy and stamina to care for __________ with joy and honor.”
“I make time every day to __________________________ (fill in one thing that brings you joy) so that my reservoir of hope and joy are full and overflowing.”
Prayer
Lord, I am in trouble and need you to rescue me. I am just so tired right now I don’t even have the energy to do the things that I need to in order to keep going with all the responsibilities of caring for _________. I don’t know where to turn so I turn to you for help. Thank You for reminding me that’s it’s okay to take care of myself first. Thank You for giving me wisdom in balancing all the many responsibilities. Restore my joy in serving others. Give me rest. Give me hope. Thank You for honoring what I am doing and help me to honor those I serve. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Author, speaker, corporate trainer, ordained minister and Hope Catalyst, Karen Sebastian enjoys sharing her rich life experiences with others – engaging them in adventurous discoveries of the beauty of hope in a dark, cloudy world.
