I’ve been a caregiver for someone in their final days three different times. Each one was unique and challenging. It was exhausting and exhilarating. It felt like it was unfair and, at the same time, an adventure I’m thankful I did not miss. In short, you could say that it is a little like a roller coaster ride. You are handed a ticket (that you didn’t go buy) and you start out slowly. At some point, however, the process speeds up and you find yourself consumed with decisions and responsibilities that threaten to overwhelm you. Just when you think everything has settled down and you have a handle on all the tough choices a simple call can send you cascading down in circles with a brand new set of priorities. And then it all starts over. Let’s slow down this ride and provide those who are functioning in this vital role with some guidance on how to survive and even thrive in the midst of the chaos. Who are these caregivers?
Statistics
These statistics come from Gail Sheehy’s book called Passages in Caregiving – Turning Chaos into Confidence.
Average age: 48
Gender: Female
Employment: Fulltime
Average time caregiving per week: 20 hours
Average span of care: Five (5) years
Other factors: One third also have children and grandchildren
What these statistics don’t tell is that for many it comes with great personal sacrifice and adjustments to taking a role we never really planned to have. There are countless hours of thankless work and worry about finances and the medical procedures they need to have performed.Going to doctor’s appointments and becoming an advocate for your loved one also require a special assertive touch and balance. This is a season that seems to go on forever; I am here to tell you that it does end and when it does, it’s a little sad.
Caregivers need hope
You may not match the statistics of an average caregiver. You do, however, share a heart to care for a loved one who needs you. You never planned for this to happen this way. In fact, you probably pushed the thought far from your mind. What all caregivers do share is the reality that they feel like they can’t do all that they have to do. There will be many times that you will do things that you thought you would never be able to do. As you start on your caregiving journey, bring along powerful love and throw in some discipline. It is a marathon and not a sprint. You will gain strength as you go.
Hope Tool
Make time for personal spiritual renewal and rest. The needs of others can wait while you gain your strength and build up your stamina. Set aside time every week to do something that you enjoy doing. Ask others to fill in for you. Stop turning them down when they ask to help. We know that you are the expert on the medication(s) and you are the one who talked to the doctor. You need to stay healthy – physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Action Steps
Make a list of people who have offered to help
Make a list of things you like to do: go to a movie, go out to eat, take a nap, etc.
Make a schedule for when you are going to schedule to do these things
Prayer
Thank you Lord for the privilege of caring for __________ (enter the names of those for whom you are caring). Grant me the strength and courage to face the overwhelming and daunting tasks set before me as we face ______ ___________ (name of illness or condition). I thank You that I do not have to become afraid because You have not given me a cowardly spirit. In fact, I trust You to make me powerful and filled with favor as I talk to doctors and facility directors. Thank You that I can be loving and firm with them and with my loved one(s). Thank You for the discipline that I can develop in this season. Thank You that I have everything that I need for right now and that this will not last forever. Thank You for the gift of hope and laughter in the midst of it all. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
What is your caregiving story?
How can we pray for you?
Author, speaker, corporate trainer, ordained minister and Hope Catalyst, Karen Sebastian enjoys sharing her rich life experiences with others – engaging them in adventurous discoveries of the beauty of hope in a dark, cloudy world. To increase hope and improve relationships with yourself and those that you love, sign up to receive Karen’s emails.
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